Sunday, September 2, 2018

Healing Work: Why Change? Why Now?

Your Task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. - Rumi

I have been on a conscious healing journey since I was thirteen. I say conscious, because I think it began earlier, like eight, but I really sought out change when I was thirteen. When I began this journey I initially thought - there has to be something else other than the reality I have been given. This is not to say I didn't have loving parents, because I did and still do. I have two amazing human beings with world-embracing visions and a deep commitment and love for humanity who raised me. And yet, there were also deep traumas and wounds that needed attention and healing within me. Thirty years later, I find myself deep in this healing work still. Yes, I now work with others in accompanying them on their own healing journey as an intuitive healer, but I continue on my own healing journey as well. As I reflect today on this continued journey I realize it's purpose is not healing as defined by Western healing practices that treats a symptom of a malaise. It is instead a more holistic approach to healing that looks at the system, asks questions, and creates change where the system is no longer functioning to serve the human being it sustains at its highest level. What does this mean?

Here's how I broke it down in my own quest to understand what healing looks like for me today.

Our Blueprint  

We are born with the nobility and gift of who we are from the start. Often, when working with clients, I ask them to consider that this noble part of who they are is still intact and somewhere within them. One of the ways I consider how this noble part might look is by making the following statement: 

When the Creator thought of me, whoever the Creator thought of when He created Ymasumac, that is who I am at my essence, at my highest self.  

What flows from this statement has to be love at its highest expression. Why? Because, whoever the Creator is - beyond definitions of masculinity and femininity - is a being who created the mountains, the ocean, the rivers and forests, all of this majesty...whoever this Being is, also created me. So I have to be pretty fantastic. Why is it then, that I don't feel this way? Why don't I see my majesty and nobility? 

Within us our parents, family, community build a blueprint of who we are informed by their own blueprints and the forces around them. This is the task of raising a child, you put all that you have in them and as you learn more, more gets put in them. If all that I have in me is also impacted by the forces of the world around me, then some false beliefs, misconceptions and other people's beliefs about who I am inevitably become a part of this blueprint. 
When you layer in trauma in your blueprint, a false sense of who you are becomes even more embedded as the emotional stranglehold of abuse settles into your bones and because of the spiritual immaturity of our current society, taboos are created around issues like sexual abuse, addiction, etc and there is no where to air out these abuses and so they settle in like truths deep in our blueprint. 
When you further layer in social injustices, where entire social systems are created to subjugate one people over another, create false truths about the equality of men and women, idealize one body type over another, the impact this has on our blueprint becomes imprinted in our DNA and passed on between generations silently embedding itself into our developing psyche and sense of self.

So it is no wonder then, that we walk out of our childhood sometimes bleary eyed or with a strong sense of urgency to create change. We are so afraid to have these conversations because we don't want to disrupt the tender relationship we have with those who raised us. Who are we to question those who ensured our survival as children? Who are we to question those who with all that was within them and with all they could muster gave us everything they had? We aren't. We are questioning the false beliefs, the half truths, the lies laying wait deep within us every time we try to make a move toward our truer self, only to be shut down by guilt, control and fear - all tools of oppressors. We mistake this pain and suffering as a sign of we are doing something wrong and we run back to the comfort of what we know, rather than consider that maybe, maybe this pain and suffering is the releasing of an old shell that in its stead seeks something new.

Dismantling the Old Blueprint

And so this is healing work, at all levels, healing work is about releasing something that no longer serves us and takes us away from our truer self to place in its stead something new and closer to truth. Of course, for many of us, me included, this begins with the healing of traumas. The leftover residue of abuse never goes away, it just finds a place within the folds of our body and makes a home. And then, like toxic waste, it seeps into the tender places of our system and silently wreaks havoc. This havoc can show up as physical illness. This havoc can also show up in how we view ourselves and the things we say to ourselves. Some of the most universal falsehoods unearthed in the sacred space of healing work have been: I'll never be good enough. No one is ever going to want me. I will always be alone. I am always going to fail. On the surface, most of us would say, no way, this is isn't true, I don't feel this way about myself. But these false beliefs are not on the surface. They are in our subconscious, a terrain we often don't visit, except in our dreams and even those sometimes terrify us.
I am not here to tell you how to heal your false beliefs or whether or not you should, that is a deeply personal decision and journey. I can only share what I have learned after thirty years of deep diving into my subconscious to unearth all those falsehoods that were placed in me sometimes by the hands of those I love most, sometimes by the hands of those who should never be trusted with the tender hearts of children and sometimes by a society that refuses to acknowledge or see the truth of who I am and builds social constructs to remind me daily that I am not enough. Whatever the case, I dove in, because I had to find another reality.

Initially, for me, healing work began to address a gnawing inside of me that something wasn't right and that I needed change. This, of course, was manifesting itself everywhere in rebellious behavior and aggressions as a teenager. As I began to do the healing work diligently with a healer once a week, I found that what I was uncovering was an entire universe within me that was built to sustain who I am. There were parts of this universe that I loved: The strength and resiliency of my ancestors, the constant presence of my grandmothers even though I had never met them in the physical world, the truth that I belonged to a universal family and that I had spiritual ancestors who had sacrificed and died for my well-being. There were also parts of this universe that manifested great pain and massive falsehoods: A sexual assault that remained hidden and forgotten by everyone except me leaving me feeling a deep void of loss and angst, a belief of not belonging as there was no social construct for who I was being I was neither Indigenous-Latina-European and with racial prejudice ripping through the core of all of this I always grew up on the outside of any community as no one would fully take me in.
These all made up part of my blueprint and the falsehoods needed dismantling as they were no longer serving me. And so I was diligent about the healing work. Focused on the dismantling. Despite the large impact it had on my familial systems, I continued, because I could not live with a full sense of who I was so long as who I was was defined by a mirror covered in dust. When we dismantle old blueprints, everyone gets challenged. Not outrightly, after all, it is my healing work, not theirs. But my behaviors change, my perceptions shift and this impacts my outer reality and relationships. And so much of it is in a mode of growth and learning, which means lots of mishaps and mistakes are made - by everyone - and this requires a strong sense of resiliency, tolerance and acceptance - by everyone, but mostly by me. There were some steady forces that held through the healing process - for me primarily my sister, mother and husband - they didn't understand my healing work most of the time, but they were resilient, tolerant and accepting of me and my path and this I began to realize, became a new teacher for me...

While simultaneously dismantling an old blueprint, I was also building a new one.

Building a New Blueprint

We cannot take away something and not put something new in its stead. Something always grows and develops in the absence or removal of something else. What is important is that whatever grows in the place of what was removed, be done thoughtfully and with purpose. And so, as I dismantled this
Author reflecting in the distance
Author in a state of convergence
old blueprint, I realized I was building up a new one at the same time. Maybe not at the same rate and at times I felt rather lost. I knew the old way of doing things wasn't an option, but there wasn't anything clearly in front of me to put in its place. This place is where we most develop our spiritual qualities and attributes, which become cornerstones in our new blueprint. 
Spirit time is different than time in a material realm. Spirit time can feel slow and then all of the sudden it is too fast! So it requires different feet to walk with and a different sense of time. It requires a deep abiding trust that there is a force in this universe - that many of us have defined as the Creator - that ultimately wants our highest light to come forth. This trust stretches us out, asks us to love deeper, hold on longer and be present more, because when growth manifests itself, sometimes it can be all at once and that can require humility and gratitude to keep holding the steady pace of what I have come to now know as love. 
So love becomes the foundation of my new blueprint, real love. Not love that demands expectations or rewards for hard-work. Not love that says I did this, so you do that. Not love that says success looks like this and anything short of this is failure. It is a love that has long-vision, that demands more of us and yet nothing at all, that sees us completely and knows where there's more need of growth, it's a love that exists outside of false dichotomies and in the place of constant search for truth...it is a love that is absolute.

When the Healing is Done

As I opened up new wounds, let go of pent up emotions, processed through the hard trauma abusive systems can leave in place, released false beliefs and cleared out this old blueprint; I steadfastly in its place put new truths of wholeness, nobility, faith, and a new kind of love and compassion, transformation came slow and than all at once. 

Recently, I was given an opportunity to straddle two worlds at once: Building and constructing my life's calling through writing, healing and education and serving my Faith community full-time. Neither of these are exclusive, they inform each other all the time. As a Baha'i, I have a faith community that asks us to grow constantly and release old belief systems that no longer serve us or humanity. It asks us to use tools like consultation and to carry qualities like a humble posture of learning in all that we do. As I reflected on the opportunity before me, my heart sang, my home-base supported me - so why then, was I wracked with deep pangs of guilt and fear? It was here that I realized, the continuous work of wrestling with the forces of disintegration and integration. These destructive and constructive forces are happening all around us as we see old systems become quickly dismantled and new ones painstakingly built in its stead. For example, in education the old system of educating through a teacher that stands at the helm of learning to impart knowledge on their students is quickly giving way to a new and developing system where the teacher serves as a guide and facilitator of learning, while students become active agents of their own learning. What this demands is not only a release in structure, but in how teachers and students carry themselves, the qualities they exhibit and express need to shift dramatically. This can cause confusion, chaos and upend emotions distilling a lot of fear and pain as the disintegration and integration process takes place.

So too was this new opportunity upending emotions, creating confusion and chaos in an old blueprint that doesn't understand the new reality I'm walking into. I have to say, I too don't know the new reality I'm walking into, but I am utilizing all of the tools I have been building into my new blueprint to help me with this walk. As I accepted this opportunity, forces from my old blueprint welled up inside of me and around me questioning all of my choices, going back years, unearthing false beliefs and norms of behavior. This old blueprint uses tools like guilt and fear to wrangle back control and compliance. This old blueprint, heavily impacted by colonization, does not believe we are noble human beings with the universe folded within us and if it attempts to entertain this idea, it only does it in theory, not as a reality we walk daily. Once I realized these feelings I was having were just the natural outcome of the destructive forces disintegrating and the constructive forces integrating within me, I was able to release and allow the process to happen. 

Today, I understand that this healing work is not just about the releasing of the old blueprint that keeps so many of us captive in a colonized past where nobility is based on material wealth and bloodline. It is also a sacred act, where the healing of the false beliefs of the past, release our ancestors from this bondage and ensure the future generation can take their righteous place among the noble ranks of humanity.

Sunday, August 12, 2018

Finding Purpose in a World that Demands Perfection

I have been deeply engaged in between worlds lately and though this is not unusual for me as I've straddled two cultures my entire life being bi-racial, in this case the world I've been engaged with is the spirit world. This may seem like an odd statement, but with the passing of my mother-in-law I have been reflecting a lot on how the spirit shows up in this world.

My mother-in-law was from a people with a profound history of struggle, spiritual triumph and
Grandma Davis with her mother, son and grandchildren
Grandma Davis standing behind her mother
steadfastness. She was from the African-American people of Louisiana, the Cherokee and also European-American. When you come from a people that have undergone such strong oppression and have demonstrated such clear resistance through their acts of courage and faith, you cannot help but express this courage and faith through a heart that is strong with an almost boundless kindness that gives constantly. This was my experience of her from the moment I met her, she had boundless energy and was in constant motion, usually helping and serving others. And her strength was a characteristic I will never forget, she carried it with her in every word and every stance she took in the world. So as she began her transition to the spirit world I began to see less movement, a stillness took over and a quietness unlike her nature.
The day we went to the hospital and her transition had taken place I saw what an elder from the Mohican Nation meant by our body being an earthsuit. Our earthsuit, it is the body we were given upon our soul's entrance into this world. Our earthsuit, it is the way our soul travels this world and is animated by our soul's expression. The many different shapes, colors, sizes and atrributes of earthsuits is a reflection of the Creator's love for and desire to see diversity in all things. So on this day, I saw my mother-in-law's earthsuit clearly absent of it's animating force...the strength, the steadfastness of faith and the constant motion of the heart to lean towards kindness...all these attributes of the spirit were no longer present and what was left behind was the beautiful earthsuit who had with constant devotion carried her soul through this world.

What then is our purpose in this life if that which is the essence of who we are is invisible and leaves upon our earthly life's completion of it's mission?

I also think of the role suffering and sacrifice carry in developing this purpose. After all, so many of us experience both suffering and sacrifice during this lifetime and some groups experience this more than others. In thinking of these elements of life and how they showed up in my mother-in-law's life, I am deeply moved by the service that followed her transition. The focus of the preacher and all of those who spoke, was not of the mountains of physical wealth she may or may not have accumulated, but what she did to serve others, to uplift those in need, to keep her children and grand-children close to Spirit and even the joy she took in getting lost!

This journey of a life made me think of the following quote...
"...place a certain gratitude and respect in the hearts of children for those who have given them life and sent their souls out on the eternal journey towards their Creator." - Shoghi Effendi
This made me reflect on the role parents have to play and that after the age of maturity the role changes to guide, not direct mentor. So then my task as the daughter, is one of gratitude for what my parents were able to do and then to carry forward in developing the capacities of my spirit. This movement to gratitude is exactly that, a movement. We so often want to jump right to gratitude and ignore the pain, anger and sometimes even trauma that might reside in our earthsuit from poor choices made by the adults in our lives as children. As someone who understands the walk of healing and the work, time and attention it demands, I completely believe this is a process and not an end result. This does not mean you do not arrive a new sense of self, free of burdening thoughts and beliefs...it just means new areas demanding growth is uncovered demanding even greater focus and attention. Growth is a way of walking, very different than the insistence of perfection.

This brought my thoughts to another reflection: how does our purpose develop?

In a material world we strive for perfection, it is almost demanded of us as we build our buildings and ensure they are to code for failure of this could prove disastrous or surgical procedures demand exactness for the failure to a precise surgical procedure could reek havoc on the body. When we try to apply this same demand on the world of spirit it becomes much more difficult, almost impossible. The spirit world is a world of growth, not immediate perfection...we strive for perfection, but we cannot demand perfection as an immediate response, we must create conditions that allow us to move closer to perfection. For example, we cannot take a seed and demand it be a plant, we must create the conditions and nurture this plant to fulfill it's greatest potential and expression of perfection - which for each plant is unique - even among the same species. Forcing perfection of a seed will only lead to its destruction and forever crippling it reaching its true potential.

How then do we demand perfection of spirit beings?

I know this may sound like "new age" talk to call us spirit beings, but watch anyone transition out of this life and you know the animating force of our earthsuit comes from some invisible power we carry. How then can we demand of this force immediate perfection in its expression? Just like the seed that holds its inherent power and capacity within, the expression of this power and capacity comes with time and nurturing.

We must then instead focus our time and energy on nurturing within us and others the potential of their true nature, which lies deep within their soul and even they themselves may not be aware of its true capacity. How to do this then? I follow the cues of those who have suffered greatly and have risen with boundless joy. I also follow the cues of the world of nature as an example of growth and development.

How does suffering and sacrifice create conditions for growth? In the world of nature these are the necessary conditions for any growth to take place: A plant sacrifices the seed for the shoot to break out and begin to grow, muscles rip and stretch with every workout to sacrifice its current state in search of a stronger and more powerful state. We see this same expression of growth in those who have suffered greatly: In the Americas indigenous people have been recipients of grave injustices, displacement from their traditional lands, disruption in their ceremonial practices that understood the delicate balance between the spirit and the material world and all but complete obliteration of their scientific discoveries. How do they respond? Resistance shows up in their ceremonies continuing underground which develops a deep faith in these practices of their ancestors. Resistance shows up in the way in which they continue to teach their children to maintain their noble practices of communal and collaborative living, the sharing of their resources and knowledge freely because wisdom is not a commodity that should be bought or sold, and an understanding of the power of storytelling encased
in humility and joy to carry forward an ever-advancing civilization. Organizing using 21st Century
Picture of logo for white bison a non-profit organization
Non-Profit organization offering healing
tools, like White Bison, to share the knowledge and wisdom for healing. These, just some of the ways a people have resisted total annihilation through colonization and its attempted destruction of their cultures and assimilation. These practices require a deep faith in the potential of their people and a sacrifice of how things were to the creation of something new with the qualities and attributes of their former civilizations blending and shaping a new world. Like the seed always carried inherent within itself the qualities of its true potential, what was sacrificed was the shell of the seed, not the qualities and potential. This is the gift of those who have suffered and sacrificed: they sacrifice the former state of expression, without sacrificing the noble qualities that were held inherently within them as a people.

This new expression of the inherent nobility of indigenous people does not come immediately, it comes with nurturing and the creation of conditions that allow their inherent qualities of a people to arise to the forefront. One of the dominant qualities I think of that is often held within indigenous cultures, mine included, is that of humility. We take joy in the accomplishments of the group and not that of the individual. There is recognition in the web of interdependence among all living beings and this interdependence is to be celebrated knowing we play a role within this web. There is a time where an individual member might shine, always this is with an acknowledgment of the group that holds them up. How this beautiful quality within this noble people will show up in the 21st century we are yet to see fully expressed, but when it does it will play a dynamic role in the reshaping of society to reflect its more honorable qualities.

What then is my purpose?

To play my part in developing and cultivating these noble qualities within me and allow them to show up through my chosen craft, my highest desire, what I am curious about, what calls to me that allows the expression of these distinguished qualities I carry within. And this, this is not something that happens immediately nor with perfection...it is something that happens overtime with focused attention and my creating conditions to support their development. Anytime I demand perfection of myself or others, I am in danger of disrupting this tender process of growth by damaging the conditions of growth with my impatience that is often triggered by fear leaving a lasting impact on the expression of my gifts.

When I transition from this earthly life, I too will carry with me all the beauty and grace I chose to cultivate and develop...I hope to not leave behind a legacy of perfection, but that of a constant and humble effort.

Monday, June 25, 2018

People become expendable in a consumer driven society

"Children are the most precious treasure a community can possess, for in them are the promise and guarantee of the future. They bear the seeds of the character of future society which is largely shaped by what the adults constituting the community do or fail to do with respect to children. They are a trust no community can neglect with impunity. An all-embracing love of children, the manner of treating them, the quality of the attention shown them, the spirit of adult behavior toward them—these are all among the vital aspects of the requisite attitude." - Baha'i

Like so many of us, I too have been reflecting on separation of families at the United States border as families seek asylum and wondering, how do I respond? What is my role? How can I be of most service? And as information passes over my phone I am deeply troubled by the narrative that is shaping this conversation...

The conditions of the detention centers are good        They have clean beds, go to classes, play games                    They are held in cages        Children are in good spirits         They have foils for blankets


It seems that what is driving the narrative is volatile and emotionally driven language, the importance of the physical conditions in which the children are placed and when attention is given to any reference to the children's emotional well-being it is in the most glib of phrases. And what is most missing, is the voice of immigrants from people of non-Western descent. This is of vast concern and yet, should not surprise us. Our personal lives often reflect our outer reality. In a world in which value is measured by material means and wealth, our barometer becomes limited to the physical realm: Do we have potable water and food? Do we have a bed (of Western standards) and do the conditions of my space mirror the standard imposed by the West? Well-being becomes measured against a Western standard of health: Physical conditions, check. Neutral emotional conditions, check. 

In the dialogue I have engaged in over immigration, especially childhood separation from parents, the physical conditions are never central to the experience and the emotions are far from neutral. 

In the vast healing work I have engaged in over the past twenty-five years, both my own and that of others, here is what I have learned about childhood separation: 
Photo by Huyen Nguyen on Unsplash

The body holds the memory 

Our bodies are our greatest gifts in this material realm and their sole responsibility is to allow our spirit to walk this world. In this walk we will encounter so many challenges and difficulties, deep trials and tribulations, and our body will record them all. 

Your story is not lost. It is yours to recover and tell.

My sister & I were young children when we fled our country due to religious persecution. My father along with many other Baha’is was imprisoned, tortured & eventually killed for being a Baha’i, and I was expelled from elementary school for the same reason. As Baha’is we weren’t allowed to get a passport to leave our country, so we fled with a tiny backpack with a group of other Baha’is in the dead of night. We traveled on camelback and on foot with very little food for an entire week with the constant fear of being caught & sent back to Iran. Once we arrived at the border in Pakistan, fully exhausted & completely malnourished, we were arrested and put in prison for being illegal immigrants. I can NOT imagine being separated from my mother in that fearful moment after everything we had been through. Eventually, through the efforts of the UN, we were released, given refugee status, and after three years they found a host country that was willing to take us in.


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I came to this country at the age of 8 without my parents. A loving aunt brought my sister and me. She and her family created a welcoming environment in those few months until my parents joined us. I remember ice cream sandwiches, tuna fish, Big Macs, all the foods I had never eaten before. We dressed up for Halloween and did other American stuff.
Even with all the loving efforts, I still often woke up in the middle of the night during those months feeling worried and wanting my mother. I was introduced to the Snoopy movie during that time, and what I remember most is the theme of being lost and the lyrics, "Snoopy, Snoopy come home." That feeling of displacement in a new country where I didn't speak the language and didn't know what was going on half the time haunted me for years, and I still flash back on it at times.

Today I heard a journalist describe how wonderful the Walmart he visited was for the separated children, the basketball courts, the cafeteria...and all I could think was..he hasn't a clue.
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When I was three my mother needed me to go from our home state to the state my father lived in and without familial support, utterly exhausted from her separation of a crippling marriage, she could not see other means of sending me than by hiring a stranger. I remember being told what a bubbly, sweet and precocious child I was and how excited I was to board a plane. I told the security guard at the gate I was on my way to "Kleenex" not knowing how to say Phoenix. 
As I was handed over to a complete stranger and we walked away from my mother I remember melting inside, my body stiffened with fear and all I wanted to do was scream and run back to her. I didn't understand why I was being given away.  

I began to collapse and nobody could see it. 

We boarded the plane and I was screaming, pulling at every and anything to get out...and no one could hear me. When the cabin door closed, I cried, my throat ached from the shrieks of loss and confusion...all happening internally. And then, it all went dark, I collapsed inside and was lost forever. 

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We were five and three and my mother had tried to get us across the border before with her, but we were caught and returned. This time, she decided to send us ahead with a lady and a man. She would come later. My sister and I sat crying in the back seat all the way to the border. Close to the border, the lady turned around and sharply yelled, "Callense". I saw my sister's tears evaporate, her face turned to stone and she disappeared. This part of who she is would not come back again until she was attending college at UCLA. I don't know where she went. I don't know where I went either. 

Photo by Paul Volkmer on Unsplash

Emotional connection matters

The approach to emotion from a Western perspective has been to contain emotion by nullifying its existence. We see this in the stories we are told today about the treatment of the children separated from their families: No physical contact allowed, not among them or anyone else. No comforting of any kind. 

This is not a new imposition from the West. The stories of horror told about the boarding schools young indigenous children of North America were forced to endure as they too were stripped from their families. There was no tolerance of and no support of any emotions. 

In our own present day schools, teachers are told not to hug, not to touch students. In a society that insists on the physical realm being the most important, it has highly sexualized all physical interactions. Allowing for extremes of behavior and belief creates the conditions for perversions to surface. If we are to learn how to interact with each other outside of highly sexualized norms, we must be willing to move away from extremes of behaviors and open up the discourse of learning outside of one purview, in this case Western. 

I remember when I was living and working among the indigenous people from the U'wa tribe of the Andes mountains in Colombia I had a powerful lesson on honoring emotions. As we moved from the fast-paced city of Bogota, to the towns and villages of the Foothills of the mountains to deep within the rainforest and the villages of the rainforest; I was struck by the change in sharp energy and most importantly, the lack of children crying. There were children to be sure, but the cries of pain, neglect and loss, seemed minimal, if not absent. 

There was one evening we were invited to participate in the copara ceremony, the placing of the copara hat, a symbol to the community that a young lady had begun menstruating and would be of age to marry in a few years time. It was a ceremony that was to last all night, beginning at sunset and ending at sunrise. We gathered in one hut and as we did the villagers began to chant with the young girl in the center of the circle. The hut was packed with people swaying and chanting. There was a ceremonial drink passed around and smudging with herbs on a fire. The chanting told the story of their people, where they had come from, what they had endured and how they endured: the gifts of the environment, the reliance on a divine source that sustained them, the values they held of gratitude for each other, their food, their shelter. It was a story of resistance and a witnessing of triumph. As the hours passed the chanting and swaying only increased. The devotion of the singers was palpable. There were also no sharp edges. Some people left the hut to sit in the night air and when they were ready, they came back in the hut to join in. There was a rhythm they understood and everyone respected. At some point during the late hours of the night I saw one of the smaller children sitting near her mom, who was a singer, begin to cry. Her mother gently pulled her close to her chest as she continued singing and soothed her. The young girl continued to cry, and after a few minutes, it subsided and passed and she rest quietly on her mother's chest. I was humbled to have witnessed such a beautiful honoring of emotions. Without any judgement of the space or the time in which the young child began to cry, the mother honored the emotions, while continuing to honor the space. 

Moving away from false dichotomies

We often feel as if we need to choose: What is the right way? Do I do this or that? As if human beings and our emotions and the systems we live in are not more complex. This does not on the other end mean Anything goes!

These are the false dichotomies we create and our society thrives on telling us, it must be this or that. So long as the narrative stays in what appears to be opposing sides, it keeps the truth at bay and creates divisions, rather than a unified reality. 

What moved me about the experience I had during the ceremony with the U'wa people, was the ability of the mother to honor her daughter's needs, while also honoring the needs of the space. She moved as part of a seamless whole. 

All of us matters, that includes our external and internal realities. How can we learn to not ignore the external conditions, while at the same time honor the internal reality and recognize them as part of a cohesive whole. 

This is one minor part of the discussion of the separation of immigrant families. The larger part of this discourse cannot be lost on us: How is this horrific experience of immigrants symptomatic of the lack of recognition of the oneness of humanity?
  

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Transformation and Innovation: Creating the conditions for love

Theirs will be the challenge to provide the environment that is...conducive to the spiritual empowerment of individuals, who will come to see themselves as active agents of their own learning, as protagonists of a constant effort to apply knowledge to effect individual and collective transformation. - Baha'i
This idea of transformation, both individual and collective, is something that has been garnering a great deal of attention in diverse circles. In healing and health, the idea of transformation is key to developing a new self, to freeing oneself from physical and emotional ailments. In education we strive for creating innovative learning environments where learners are transformed into creative critical thinkers. We look to transformation as an event, a climax, un fin! When in reality, it probably looks more circular in nature and is indicative of a process.

We don't like that word too much I don't think, process. It's been overused and sloganized. Life is a journey...Enjoy the process...One step at a time. And all of these are true, and yet it can some times leave you feeling like life has not rails or guard posts or markers or indicators that gently guide you forward. So rather than thinking about the process I've been reflecting on the conditions that inform this process.

How do we create the conditions that support the desired results?

Whether that result be innovation, critical thinking, transformation, etc. And does it matter what animates all of this?

This reminds me of African Desert Tortoises. My youngest daughter has an African Desert Tortoise and it is ready to be moved outside. As she contemplates this move she considers many factors, the most important being, how does she create the conditions for her turtle to thrive? She's been thinking of the environment and what kind of qualities would make this an optimal environment for a desert tortoise: Areas of shade as well as sun, edible plants, a water source, fencing that is safe, etc. And what animates all of these decisions? Love. The love she has for her tortoise and its well-being.

So how do we create the conditions for love?

Love is a natural force that springs from the heart. I wonder, however, if like any force, it requires focused attention to nurture and guide it. Will this force be in service of others, to uplift others, or to enhance and aggrandize one's own accomplishments and ideas? How then do we create the conditions to nurture love?

Since love is a natural force, really the question lies in what are the conditions that will channel this force. When I think of transformation and innovation, the conditions become clearer. If I want either of these processes to take root than I need to consider what qualities need to be present in order for transformation and innovation to develop.


Both transformation and innovation require risk-taking, reflection, humility, an open mind, detachment and a clear vision.

Risk-taking: If I want to create something new, which both of these lead to, than I have to be willing to take the risk of doing something different. This demands an environment that has a strong emotional quotient. Taking any risk requires great courage and to meet courage, I must walk through my fears. Walking through fear asks that I have faith, hope, that things might actually work out, that this new path may give fruit.

Reflection: I must be willing to reflect throughout the entire process - yes process - and ask, what am I learning? Do I have new information that is leading me to new territory (which in and of itself is innovation)? Am I getting confirmation that I am on the right track? Reflection is a powerful tool to use throughout any change or shift as it will inform you of where you are and where you might be going. Reflection can be done with a journal, in a group, verbally or in meditation.

Humility: Transformation and Innovation require humility. When you say you want anything to transform you are saying you want to discard one thing for another. It doesn't mean throw away the first thing, it may be useful in a different setting, than again it may not. Humility says, I don't have all the answers, I'm willing to learn more. Humility creates a humble posture of learning, which is a beautiful stance that leads to an open mind.

Open Mind: An open mind asks to learn, seeks to know, looks for answers and does not discriminate where these answers might come from. When you pair an open mind with a humble posture of learning, you recognize that learning can happen anywhere and anytime and from anyone. The open mind only wants to further understand and seek truth. Which of course, requires detachment.

Detachment: If we are to transform or innovate, we must detach from those things that once served us or maybe still do, but we know there might possibly be another way that could serve better. If we don't detach, we might still be in a horse and buggy. This is not a bad thing, a horse and buggy can still serve us. We do, however, realize the great advantages in having transportation that can move us more adequately from one space to another, like airplanes or subways. So to transform and innovate, we need to detach and release what once was, to what might be possible.

Clear vision: And this leads us to clarity of vision. If we do not have a clear vision for where it is we want to be, transformation can be haphazard and innovation might happen for the sake of innovation without any real clear purpose. Having a clear vision for where I want to go, what is it I might be trying to create, what kind of environment I want my students to thrive in, my own personal vision of my self and who I hope to become are all important questions to ask when on this path to transformation and innovation.

These qualities are not developed in isolation or even as a linear process. Each quality feeds and develops the other. And the order I use these qualities doesn't matter so much as that I use them. There are more qualities for sure to consider. Like information. Where do you gather information to guide your learning process? Action. It is important to put your ideas into action to see how they hold up and what other areas require further reflection and consolidation.

A big part of this learning process is my intention. If I intend to create the conditions where love can thrive, then my focus shifts and I begin to look for those qualities that will best support the environment for love to show up. And if I want love to show up looking like transformation and innovation, than I need to start thinking about the qualities that support transformation and innovation.

It all begins with love, from there I am free of all prejudices, biases, fears and doubts. Love embraces, brings joy, hope and possibility.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Start with Self-Actualization: Walk with Certainty

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the dark conscious - Carl Jung

Embracing our own duality is something I have spent a lifetime walking through. I am of two waters: Bolivian by way of the Quechua people and New England through the English and Irish ancestors that came to America. Living in between the crash of these two waters has kept me both keenly aware and alive and at the same time flattened me out and left without breath.

This living with duality I can best describe it as when you are in the ocean and you are caught in a wave - it crashes you about, leaves you out of breath and almost at the brink of despair and then gently rolls you onto the sand. In that moment you feel both utterly exhausted and at the same time every sense is alive with sensation and exhilaration - so unexpected.

It has taken me most of my lifetime to realize that for me the learning is not outside of the waves or even the crash, but learning to live in between the tumult of waters and find peace.

This has been through a practice of both mystical forces and practical steps - neither it feels, I was in charge of...it just was how it was going to be done.

So when I say start with self-actualization, unlike the dominant discourse that insists Maslow's hierarchy of needs should be followed in linear fashion with the focus on basic needs first, I mean start with you who you are. With a small child, start with who they are...their first engagement with this world is in-utero...start there...who are they, what gifts do they bear, how will you listen for and hone those gifts and how, most importantly, will you get of the way so they can truly show up to the world? These are all big questions, and one's we should be exploring long before a child is in utero and this...this is self-actualization.
After a child is born, our first response is love - we hold, we gather up, we sing praises, we offer thanksgiving and then we nourish mind-body-spirit. We were designed this way. That is what breast milk does and the holding closely to the skin and the humming we do when a child cries.

So start with self-actualization. How to do this as an adult or a youth? I say, walk with spirit feet: both practical and grounded in the world and completely detached and in faith.



Listen
Listen to the voices within. I know that goes against Western healing practices - usually one does not want to hear voices other than the one coming out of their vocal chords! But I had no choice and these voices were always kind, loving and reassuring of truths. They showed up in a knowing I could feel in my body, not articulated with words, but a knowing that what I was doing was okay, or the direction I was headed in or the experience I was having - rough as it may seem in the moment - would turn out okay in the end. And even that phrase turn out okay had to be shaped by divine forces.

Learn
I am a voracious reader and have a huge appetite to learn, always have. Read what calls you, what others suggest, what shows up, what sounds interesting. Read Divine verses from various holy teachers and ideas from enlightened folk that resonates with something true within. In doing this, my vision was shaped and my definition of ideas was also widened. Everything will turn out okay was shaped by
"Man must live in contentment with the conditions of his time. He must not make himself the slave of any habit. He must eat a piece of stale bread with the same relish and enjoyment as the most sumptuous dinner. Contentment is real wealth. If one develops within himself the quality of contentment he will become independent. Contentment is the creator of happiness. When one is content he does not care either for riches or poverty. He lives above the influence of them and is indifferent to them." - Attributed to 'Abdu'l-Baha
And so I learned, everything will turn out okay is not an external condition, it is one that requires a shifting of belief systems I hold within myself...largely shaped by how I see myself and my self worth.

The Self
So who am I? This took a great deal of digging and a willingness to see possibility. Was it possible I was not as awful as I felt? That I wasn't what others told me I was when they sneered it out of the side of their mouths?
And so the journey began...healing sessions with a wonderful therapist who used both western and traditional practices in her healing work. I took the plunge inward and began uncovering past traumas, false belief systems created and learned how to walk the path of emotional well-being. I learned how to speak in a softer and more gentler voice that addressed my most vulnerable parts with compassion. I began to see myself as many parts of a whole: some felt broken and weighed down under the pressures of trauma and life, others were strong and like pillars seeking truth and light, and others were calm and surefooted moving gently ahead. I learned to see these parts of myself as one entity with many interplays of shadow and light...like a diamond fractions light, so am I.



The Truth
I cannot ensure many things, but one I can and that is that I, like everyone else, am a noble being. We are connected by the same noble force. I found this quote early on in my healing journey:

“Dost thou reckon thyself only a puny form
When within thee the universe is folded?" Baha'u'llah

This has been the truth I hold onto, the knowing, the peace within. I no longer look for external sources to nourish me, though I am grateful when they land on my doorstep. And when caught and ensnared in the external ideas of this world about who I am and how I should walk, I have these truths to come back to and remind me, the things of this world are transitory, my spirit is limitless and eternal.

Daily Practice
All of this has led me to a daily practice of the ancient tradition of meditation, prayer and self-reflection. For me, this is done in the cup of meditation upon awakening, followed by prayer and
writing out all the words dancing in my head. Sometimes it is just meditation with a daily chant and then, I journal throughout the day or I pause and breathe throughout the day or I remind myself how amazing and grateful I am. Sometimes my daily practice is more intense than others...I pull out my sage bundle during these times or I use a different essence of oil...I drink nourishing herbal teas throughout my day and I listen to music that always tells the truth.

No matter how the daily practice takes form, I trust and as I trust I develop faith and from faith I can love more deeply, more fully, with more presence. That is all that matters to me. 

Whatever it is, find your daily practice that nourishes your truth.

To explore more about this idea of a daily practice and what it unfolds like during a regular day, check out my podcast: The Human Experience.

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

And are you happy to see me? In Search of Love in Schools.

I have had the blessing to have many opportunities to visit classrooms on a regular basis in Southern California. I say blessing because of the opportunity this affords me to connect with children and youth and their incredible ability to still be present. They are not yet convinced of the need to wear the straight-jacket the world has tried to place on them. They are still laughing joyously - they still wonder openly - they still touch each other freely with hugs, fist bumps, shoulders crashing into each other reeling from jokes shared - and then, the bell rings and they summarily quiet into a stupor as they sit in rows and wait to be taught. 

Chalkboard with equations
The United States, like most countries in the world, are trying to find the most innovative, rigorous, critically demanding and relevant curriculum and strategies to teach this wonderful, upcoming generation. And in many ways, we've found it. Again and again, I see wonderfully planned, executed and assessed lesson plans. Learning objectives are clear, important information is delivered, students are required to ask relevant questions tied explicitly to the information presented, there is an exit ticket that ties back to the learning objective and still there is a tightness in the air that seems to stifle all the learning that would be had.

This taut stillness seems to suck life out of the air as the period ends and students file out only to come alive again in the hallways where they connect with each other once again.

Why is this?

Teachers, administrators, schools, researchers are all well-intentioned in their efforts to provide a rigorous learning experience in schools, but what of love. Where does love show up in our learning cultures?

In observing classrooms again and again, teachers are directing, instructing; principles are administering and managing; cafeteria and recess aides are ordering and serving - but who is loving? How can we hope to uplift the whole human being if we do not see the whole human being? Because a big part of the whole human being is the love that animates them.

Recently, I have been deeply drawn to learning more about the experience of students in schools that were legally segregated before 1954 in the United States. Many of the elders in my life who were in those schools tell me of a time when teachers loved them. When teachers knew their parents intimately: they were their friends, neighbors, church members and they knew their students were the best of them. They knew their students education was a community effort and when students would rise, the whole community rises. In Vanessa Walker's book, Their Highest Potential, she highlights the belief system that pervaded the school: These kids success is all of our business. And with this belief in front of them, teacher's would stay overtime for professional development, parents would sacrifice financially to ensure the school had all it needs, home visits were part of the home-to-school connection, the entire movement of the community and school were centered around the upliftment of the student. This was not a program or strategy the school was implementing, it was a belief system they centered around. When you believe something, you don't have to think about it, it is evident in all of your actions; it governs your choices; it shapes your language; it infuses all of the spaces you inhabit - including your classroom.

I am not suggesting we return to legally segregated schools, though there is evidence we are more segregated now than before when it was legal. The time of seeing each other as separate tribes and people is rapidly coming to an end. We are one people, one race and the recognition of this truth is quickly unfolding in its stead. The scientific evidence of the oneness of humanity has been unequivocally proven. It is not a matter of hard science or strategies we are after, it is a matter of the human heart and this is more delicate work. Because the oneness of humanity has to become a belief system. When you believe something you are invested - remember it is infused in everything you do. And so if I believe in the oneness of humanity, than it is all learning animated by love. For I want to know about you, learn with you, from you...because I know, you bring something of great value to the table, as do I.

How can we learn from these communities that have not only survived, but flourished despite the odds against them? The peoples of African descent have been under the yoke of oppression the world over due to colonialism and the instrument of whiteness it used to measure the worth and value of human beings, allowing it to perpetuate enslavement securing free labor. The indigenous peoples of the Americas who's land was given freely to European males, while they were displaced and their profound knowledge of natural sciences destroyed, continue to be pushed to the fringes of society always their name - Indio - said with a bitter taste in the mouth. And the people of Asian descent, who try to balance the dangerous walk of assimilation and preservation - assimilating to a country's dominant culture to survive, while staying connected to their ancestral heritage. And what of those of European descent, who refuse to forget the injustices that were done to others in their name? Who strive to find their roots and honor their ancestors resistance to oppression, by calling out the beast out loud, who expects them to also be loyal to whiteness.
Image of women seeing reflections of herself

En Lak Ech, they all say! Tu eres mi otro yo - you are the other me. And when we believe this and it infuses how we show up to the world - then if I disagree with something you have done or said - my response is, let me learn more. Tell me more about your experience. There is something I do not know or understand that has led you to say what you are saying and I want to understand. Or at minimum, be present and listen to the other me.

When I walked out of those classrooms I couldn't help but wonder what I would be thinking if I was one these students walking into the class. After all the learning objectives and strategies and think-pair-shares...I would want to know - and are you happy to see me?

Because after all, I think we all want to be bearers of joy and my job as the adult in your life, is to see you. En Lak Ech!

For a podcast of this blog post click here: The Human Experience

Thursday, March 15, 2018

In a World that Demands Innovation, How do We Transform?

Dream. Create. Inspire.

                                     It’s Your World. Take Control 


 Dreams Made Real            Ideas for Life



In a world that sloganizes all of our creative forces into minimal shapes of controllable language and ideas, it is hard to think of how we can move into the power of who we are - even that sounds like a slogan! And yet, this work of transformation is real, profound and not only needed, but necessary for living. This is not a new concept, but in the 21st Century everything has been magnified into a global and surging reality that potentially touches the lives of millions in seconds. So the demand for people showing up to who they truly are is heightened in all of our interactions. How to do this?

Recently, I offered a workshop on Awakening Intuition: Identifying the Noble Voice Within in
Workshop info on awakening intuition
which we explored living a path that empowers our truth and honors our purpose.  I have found when I live by my authentic voice, I am transformed, at every moment I am potentially new again with life and ideas pushing out at an exponential rate. I am not interested in whether these ideas become slogans to live by, rather I am convinced they are forces that move through me and impact others in how I speak, in what I do and how I love. Every movement is motivated by these forces and others feel this depth of truth in each exchange. These forces do not make me special, nor do they belong to me - they are forces of creativity and innovation that belong to everyone!

So how do we awaken these forces of transformation within us? Here are a few nuggets of truth I have learned from deep reflection, consistent action and a faith driven walk that believed the best of me was manifesting herself:

Find Your Mirrors

We are all connected and some of us manifest qualities that touch the lives of others, because they too carry those qualities. Find those mirrors. For me this mirror was Prince. He manifested the qualities that spoke to my soul: 
  • Courage
  • Light
  • Love
  • Faith
  • Divergence

For a young girl of two very complex and tradition bound heritages born - Quechua Indian from Bolivia and Irish-British pilgrims - I felt deeply connected to my roots and at the same time driven to change. From an early age I felt the complexity of who I was and the competing forces within my family being of two very different worlds.
Prince on guitar
Prince showed me how to rise above all of this. He refused false dichotomies, he embraced all of his gifts and pushed them out with a force that rejected any of the limitations, society in its immaturity, tried to impose on him. 

Another mirror belonged to my grandmothers, woman I never met here in the physical realm, but who were very alive to me in the spirit world. Mama Cruzesa, Nana Millet, Nana Mitchell all spoke to me my entire life - again, through the way they chose to live their life. They embraced all of their dualities and struggled through the imposed limitations of being spirits bound by traditions of womanhood or being indigenous or both! Each in their own way they defied these limitations by standing up for indigenous woman's rights or by quietly investing part of their kitchen budget into the stock market, eventually making millions.

So find your mirror. They are out there. And not to mimic, but to inspire. 

We are all mirrors. 

Listen to the Voice Within

This can be a tricky one and in Western society we are taught any voices other than the one spoken through our vocal chords are not to be trusted. In my experience, not so. And yet, a word of caution - find the voice of your true self that seeks your highest good. This can be a challenge. A few things I've done to do this include:

Listen to your body 

Our body is our greatest storyteller, it has been with us since our inception and knows all of our most intimate secrets and experiences. Learning to listen to the body is a beautiful act of love. It says: I love you. I trust you. I know you want to take care of me. That is the purpose of the body, to take care of us. It's sole creation is to make sure we are in the best possible position to live fully. I have learned to listen to my body by doing a couple of things: 
  • I listen to when it is in discomfort and I ask myself, Is there something about this part of my body that needs attention? For example, if I have an earache, could I be listening too much? Or not listening enough to someone? Do I need to be more gentle with this part of my body. And then of course, I take care of it physically as well - if it needs medicine or even just rest. All of this is an act of love. As I do this more, my body will tell me more. It is a relationship and needs nurturing. Overtime, it may tell me of past pains or traumas that need healing; false belief systems I may be carrying. It is a gentle process and one grounded in a deep feeling of respect and love.
  • Learning of other ancient traditions of healing, like the sacred Sanskrit text, that tells us we are energy beings and must learn to use this energy to not only heal, but find and direct our purpose has also been transformative. In the West we have learned of this tradition primarily through what is commonly referred to as the 7 chakra system. This article was highly enlightening for me as I deepened my understanding of our body as energy systems that we could access and learn from. I used meditation to connect to these chakras. Knowing I am an energy being, I would use my understanding of chakras to find my seat of truth and listen from this place that I carry at the center of my body's core. 
  • Finally, breathe. I almost wanted to pull this out and make it's own tool and in some ways it is. Breath is such a powerful gift of life and even though it is what keeps our physical engine going, it is also an incredible tool to move back into our body when we are thinking too much. I find that if I am ruminating over a problem, all I have to do is breathe. Breathing brings me back into my body, back into the chakra that I found at the core of my body and where I know my truth calls me to listen. Breathing also tells the brain that everything is okay and this allows me to pause. Ready to listen. 

Manage Your Emotions

Our emotions, powerful sources of energy and stimulation for movement, love and creativity. Also, inhibitors of movement, projectors of false beliefs and overwhelming oceans of energy that can weigh us down. Our emotions are just energy, but when they go unchecked, they can become like hurricanes and demolish all in their path. So, again what to do? It is helpful to remember, emotions are energy that reflect the state of the heart. In this realm humans are of two distinct selves, our lower nature which is attached to the material realm and our higher self, the self of the spirit which is attached to the world of the divine. These two selves are in constant tension for usurping power over the other. Our emotions are great indicators of where we stand and the direction our heart is mirroring - our spirit self or our lower nature. How do we identify emotions? In our dominant western culture we don’t understand emotions very well and see them as something that needs to be suppressed. A tool I use to help me develop a better understanding of emotions is the Diamond of Emotions:
 


Under this diagram, there are 3 primary emotions: Joy, Fear and Pain and one secondary emotion: Anger. In general we are uncomfortable with emotions, period. In particular with fear and pain. We do not like to feel fear or pain and try to avoid them in ourselves and in others. We also don’t want people to be too happy either. We question why they are so happy and show discomfort with their happiness. In our society we are taught to avoid emotions such as fear and pain and are questioned when we feel them: Why are you crying? There’s no reason to cry. What are you afraid of? There’s nothing to be afraid of. We want others to not feel these feelings so we too don’t have to feel them. Because we’re energy beings we pick up on each other’s feelings; the stronger the emotions, the more uncomfortable we become if we are not aware of our own reactions to people’s emotions. There is so much more to say on this topic, which is why I am writing a book that includes an entire section on this. For now, it is enough to begin to recognize when we have these emotions and to treat them like water. If we consider a river, all a river wants to do is allow water to move. If water becomes stagnant it begins to rot and becomes a source of damage. So our job, just let emotions run their course and when we are done come back to truth and love. The message we close with: We are loved. We are okay. This cycle allows you to come back to a calm and clear mind and project from love once again.

These are a few tools that I have learned to help me come back to my truth and in turn, they allow me to transform my inner reality. Slogans attempt to capture the power of innovation, but in the end, behave more like smoke distracting us from the real work and goal that innovation demands: Transformation.

When we transform our inner reality from doubt and fear, to truth and courage, we can stand in faith and walk with spirit feet deeply rooted to the truth of who we are - noble human beings.